Step Up Speak Out Show Up Be Loud

The title for today’s breath comes from this song by Rising Appalachia. And it’s about practicing this new thing I’m working on — maybe you’ve heard of it — it’s called “setting boundaries.”

Sometimes I have to say exactly what I mean

and when I do,

I become middle school me at the Friday dance.

Standing near a wall so when my knees start to buckle

I can simply lean back and find support.

No matter that leaning back

makes my awkward slouch more awkward

and I don't know what to do with my hands.

I wear boy's clothes because the girl's clothes don't have pockets

large enough to fit my whole hand

with space left over

to curl that hand into a fist

or stretch out all the fingers

or pick at the loose spot in the lining

until the hole is big enough to slide one finger through

scratch the top of my thigh,

exhale with the comfort of skin-to-skin contact

as the world twirls around me

under church basement disco lights.

I lean into the wall

so I stay upright

when I speak.