Disenfranchised Grief

“Disenfranchised grief” refers to the feeling resulting from a loss that is not openly mourned, like the way health care professionals might feel after a patient dies. This draft is inspired by disenfranchised grief, and the client I still miss, even years after she died.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedShe died in the middle of our planning --between the two-week warning and the last goodbye --while I prepared myself to rest my hands on her one more time.Everything I gathered —All the ways I practiced being open to her dying,the pockets full of touchstones,rubbed smooth in my fingers --Useless.In all the years since thenI couldn't bear to empty out my pockets.Sometimes I’ll put my hand in,reach down into the deepest corners,let the memory of you tumble through my fingers --marbles, sea glass, smooth river stones.I roll them across my palmlooking for a forgotten jagged edgeto press into the space between my fingers,to feel something of the ache you left behind.